Saturday, May 27, 2006
Rita
At the moment, I'm sitting in Rita Lovely's apartment on the couch, CNN on the TV, computer in my lap. You see...Rita has a baby now and you wouldn't know it other than she went to bed at an ungodly early time. 12:30am. For us, that's super early. Especially since we see each other never.
In any case...I've been here for 5 hours and I have yet to meet the baby. When I arrived, she was already asleep for the night and instead of barging in and taking a peek, I maximized the time I had with Miss Rita.
I gotta tell you...
When I'm with Rita, there is a peace that settles over my body. It happens naturally and I've always taken it for granted. But tonight, I analyzed it a bit more and I realized WHY I always feel so comfortable around her.
The truth is, I like who I am when I'm with Rita. She makes me feel smart and important and like I'm the number one guy on the planet. I do and say things that are probably ridiculous, but Rita takes each word and hears it in a way that makes her respect me more. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've never loved anyone more for loving me the way that they do.
If you're close friends with me, you know ALL about Rita. You know about our special friendship and you know about the NEED I have for her in my life. But when I'm actually in her presence, when I'm sitting across the couch from her, drinking my wine, waxing philosophic, something happens that I can't control. I become this guy who is confident and strong and open. I talk and I talk and I talk and nothing I say, no matter how fucked up it may come across...nothing I say shocks or upsets her. Sure there are moments that are raw and real, but Rita lets go with me. She says things that she could regret and she allows her heart to break free...which if you knew her, you would be jealous that I'm the lucky one she opens up to.
I'm no stranger to girl friends. I've got a slew. And each one of them is important to me in their own specific way.
But there is and will always BE something about Rita that brings me to my knees. There is no bullshit with her. In fact, she caught me in a massive lie tonight, for no other reason than she KNOWS me. When she brought it up, my heart stopped and my asshole puckered...and she said "Joe...I know, and it's okay." I almost cried, but I didn't. I couldn't. How could ANYONE know me THAT well?
No one else does.
It's rare for me to dive into the "Rita" friendship in this journal. Which is funny cuz she is the actual inspiration FOR "Cut the Shit". Without Rita there would BE no journal. Without Rita, there would be no Joe.
I have yet to meet her baby. Over and over Rita has said "I hope you like her". But I think the real concern here is "Will she like Joe?". Ruby is going through a "stranger danger" phase and I can only hope that she will not experience that with me. In all fairness, she should automatically attach herself to me because Rita and I have the friendship that we have. Ruby should understand Joe right off the bat...because Rita understands Joe before the bat is even presented.
In any cae...I'm nervous. I'm excited. This visit is already too short.
Sometimes I just wish that life was about spending time with the people you love the most. But it isn't. And I know on Sunday, I'll reboard the train and go back to my NYC life. And no matter how incredible the trip is, it will never be enough. Mother fuck. It never is.
Odd that I'm never as happy in NY as I am automatically when I have Rita sleeping 10 feet away.
At the moment, I'm sitting in Rita Lovely's apartment on the couch, CNN on the TV, computer in my lap. You see...Rita has a baby now and you wouldn't know it other than she went to bed at an ungodly early time. 12:30am. For us, that's super early. Especially since we see each other never.
In any case...I've been here for 5 hours and I have yet to meet the baby. When I arrived, she was already asleep for the night and instead of barging in and taking a peek, I maximized the time I had with Miss Rita.
I gotta tell you...
When I'm with Rita, there is a peace that settles over my body. It happens naturally and I've always taken it for granted. But tonight, I analyzed it a bit more and I realized WHY I always feel so comfortable around her.
The truth is, I like who I am when I'm with Rita. She makes me feel smart and important and like I'm the number one guy on the planet. I do and say things that are probably ridiculous, but Rita takes each word and hears it in a way that makes her respect me more. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've never loved anyone more for loving me the way that they do.
If you're close friends with me, you know ALL about Rita. You know about our special friendship and you know about the NEED I have for her in my life. But when I'm actually in her presence, when I'm sitting across the couch from her, drinking my wine, waxing philosophic, something happens that I can't control. I become this guy who is confident and strong and open. I talk and I talk and I talk and nothing I say, no matter how fucked up it may come across...nothing I say shocks or upsets her. Sure there are moments that are raw and real, but Rita lets go with me. She says things that she could regret and she allows her heart to break free...which if you knew her, you would be jealous that I'm the lucky one she opens up to.
I'm no stranger to girl friends. I've got a slew. And each one of them is important to me in their own specific way.
But there is and will always BE something about Rita that brings me to my knees. There is no bullshit with her. In fact, she caught me in a massive lie tonight, for no other reason than she KNOWS me. When she brought it up, my heart stopped and my asshole puckered...and she said "Joe...I know, and it's okay." I almost cried, but I didn't. I couldn't. How could ANYONE know me THAT well?
No one else does.
It's rare for me to dive into the "Rita" friendship in this journal. Which is funny cuz she is the actual inspiration FOR "Cut the Shit". Without Rita there would BE no journal. Without Rita, there would be no Joe.
I have yet to meet her baby. Over and over Rita has said "I hope you like her". But I think the real concern here is "Will she like Joe?". Ruby is going through a "stranger danger" phase and I can only hope that she will not experience that with me. In all fairness, she should automatically attach herself to me because Rita and I have the friendship that we have. Ruby should understand Joe right off the bat...because Rita understands Joe before the bat is even presented.
In any cae...I'm nervous. I'm excited. This visit is already too short.
Sometimes I just wish that life was about spending time with the people you love the most. But it isn't. And I know on Sunday, I'll reboard the train and go back to my NYC life. And no matter how incredible the trip is, it will never be enough. Mother fuck. It never is.
Odd that I'm never as happy in NY as I am automatically when I have Rita sleeping 10 feet away.
